Get all 6 Joseph Landau releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of EP 6, EP 5, EP 4 'Nautical Adventures', EP 3 'Thornhill', EP 2, and EP 1.
1. |
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If we were hanging on a boat
Then we would see a lot of seals
And we would give them great big smiles
We would greet them ear to ear
If we were hanging on a boat
And we were meeting lots of seals
Then we would give them lots of fish
And we would ask them how they feel
And they would tell us all about
the lives they live beneath the waves
And we would tell them about pretzels
Then we would wave them all away
And we would see them off with smiles
And we would hop and skip and play
If we were hanging on a boat
then we would have a merry day
Pretzels, pretzels, salty pretzels
Pretzels, pretzels, hard and round
Pretzels, pretzels, lots of pretzels
Pretzels in the lost and found
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2. |
A Very Big Whale
03:25
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There was a very big whale, too large for a name
Who sang, “I’m such a big whale” all throughout the day
They tried calling him Paul; they tried calling him James
“Those names are too scant!” The whale complained
He splashed through the gulfs, the ponds and the lakes
And sang, “who’s ever seen a whale this great?”
He flew through the air, whenever it rained
He went here,
and then there, and then back, again
They tried calling him Nick; They tried calling him Dave
“I’m a very big whale!” The whale explained
The whale was warned, and the warnings were grave
The warnings were told for many a days
“whale beware! All nouns do have names
And if you don’t get one, you may start to shrink!”
But whales are smart, and whales can think
The whale responded without even
a whale blink
“That’s unscientific, it doesn’t sound sane
And surely I’d know, with my big whale brain”
“Just look in a mirror, you’re hardly the same
You grow smaller, and smaller, and smaller each day!”
But a haughtier whale, never was known
“Smaller!” he scoffed. “Why, I think I’ve just grown!”
“How about Bob, how about Joe?”
“Perhaps an apt choice, for my big whale toe”
And so, off he went, just as he pleased
Singing a long, wha-le melodies
Until all that was heared was dum-dum da dee
dum-dum da dee, dum-dum da dee
la da da-dee, la da da-dee
And then not was heard, not even a peep
But see him again, one day they did
Our very large friend had become paper-thin
His girth, was no girthier than even a pin
Not even an inch stood his dorsal fin
And last time the whale went out for a swim
not even a ripple was caused by him
He cried, yes he cried, he cried and he cried and he cried
“Bet you’ve never seen a whale so slim!
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3. |
Jacques is a Turtle
04:33
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Jacques is a turtle, and one like no other
He hasn’t a girdle or even a cover
A waltzer, a wagger, a french autumn lover
Well, Jacques' just a turtle, plain and unbuttered
See Jacques, he is shell-less, as nude as a tree
After November but prior to spring
And Jacques simply loves, nice long walks on the beach
He minds not at all, if somebody sees
Because Jacques keeps in shape, as his body's his shrine
In fact I'd give Jacques body a ten out of nine
And don't let me get started on his pearly whites
Jacques is turtle who's doing alright
Onwards he struts, liberal with winks
He makes the crabs blush, a dark burgundy
The scandalized Storks, faint, weak at the knee
They cry “Never!”, “Oh my!”, and “What indecency!”
Continues he does, he pays them no heed
He says “This is just I, and I am just me”
“Shave off your quilts, feel the salt breeze
Take off your shells, you too could be free”
See Jacques is not bashful, he never avoids
He cares not at all if the frogs get annoyed
He all but ignores the turtle tabloids
And pesky sea snails, who tell him to read Freud
But word gets around turtle beach, bye the bye
Though slowly they walk, their gossip does fly
And News of nude Jacques, reached the Turtle most wise
“I must go warn Jacques!” The Wise turtle cried
And so off he went “Not a second to lose!”
(Though one turtle second, is an hour or two)
Still, by his standards, the wise turtle flew
And found Jacques he did of course, out in the nude
“Well, well’s well enough, to each turtle his own
But Jacques you’re a turtle, and your shell is your home
And if that’s not enough, there is something else
Un Tortue sans shell, may not long keep his health”
Now a turtle like Jacques gets easily bored
He said “wise turtle friend, I must thank you for
All this advice but I’ve heard it in scores
And truly I find it rather a snore”
“See I am a turtle who is apt to believe
That there might be more important things
Then trendy footwear and designer jeans
And I am frankly surprised, you do not agree”
“But Jacques … I think” the wise turtle stammered
“That we both speak of quite different matters…”
Then Jacques piped in, with a frightening natter
“I’ve heard all I can take, of your wise turtle chatter!”
Quickly he turned and stomped away riled
Without even a glance to see all the while
That where he was heading might present a trial
That is, into the mouth of a large crocodile!
“Jacques run away!” Said the turtle most wise
It’s too bad turtles run, like elephants fly
A short sprint at best, takes four hours or five
And of course naked Jacques had nowhere to hide!
Well Jacques should have known that enough was enough
Walking around, strutting his stuff
Making a scene with his haws and his huffs
Carrying on, out in the buff
But worry not friends, you should have no fear
For Jacques' bare bod doesn't meet its end here
Because Jacques' studied karate for quite a few years
And he meditates nightly to keep his mind clear
So Let's just say Jacques makes it out fine
In fact he recently called, just to say hi
He said, “I’m no longer bare, in fact I’m quite into style
You should see my new suit, made of crocodile!”
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4. |
Fish with Hair
03:54
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Have you ever seen a fish who had hair
swimming through the ocean
and if you'd ask her about her curls
she'd say they're for krill and for plankton
lots of shrimps, in the reef
and lots of fine things to eat
Would you ever think that this fish could grow
a large entangled afro
curly and thick and covered in bits
of tiny little shrimps, little tiny shrimps
lots of shrimps, in the reef
and lots of strange things to eat
Have you ever seen a fish who had hair
swimming through the ocean
and if you'd ask her about her curls, you'd say what are they for
she'd say they are for snacking,
for snacking
for snacking on krill and on plankton
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Joseph Landau Toronto, Ontario
Toronto Based guitarist/singer/accordionist. Go to my website to see more of my music.
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