Jacques is a turtle, and one like no other
He hasn’t a girdle or even a cover
A waltzer, a wagger, a french autumn lover
Well, Jacques' just a turtle, plain and unbuttered
See Jacques, he is shell-less, as nude as a tree
After November but prior to spring
And Jacques simply loves, nice long walks on the beach
He minds not at all, if somebody sees
Because Jacques keeps in shape, as his body's his shrine
In fact I'd give Jacques body a ten out of nine
And don't let me get started on his pearly whites
Jacques is turtle who's doing alright
Onwards he struts, liberal with winks
He makes the crabs blush, a dark burgundy
The scandalized Storks, faint, weak at the knee
They cry “Never!”, “Oh my!”, and “What indecency!”

Continues he does, he pays them no heed
He says “This is just I, and I am just me”
“Shave off your quilts, feel the salt breeze
Take off your shells, you too could be free”
See Jacques is not bashful, he never avoids
He cares not at all if the frogs get annoyed
He all but ignores the turtle tabloids
And pesky sea snails, who tell him to read Freud
But word gets around turtle beach, bye the bye
Though slowly they walk, their gossip does fly
And News of nude Jacques, reached the Turtle most wise
“I must go warn Jacques!” The Wise turtle cried
And so off he went “Not a second to lose!”
(Though one turtle second, is an hour or two)
Still, by his standards, the wise turtle flew
And found Jacques he did of course, out in the nude

“Well, well’s well enough, to each turtle his own
But Jacques you’re a turtle, and your shell is your home
And if that’s not enough, there is something else
Un Tortue sans shell, may not long keep his health”
Now a turtle like Jacques gets easily bored
He said “wise turtle friend, I must thank you for
All this advice but I’ve heard it in scores
And truly I find it rather a snore”
“See I am a turtle who is apt to believe
That there might be more important things
Then trendy footwear and designer jeans
And I am frankly surprised, you do not agree”
“But Jacques … I think” the wise turtle stammered
“That we both speak of quite different matters…”
Then Jacques piped in, with a frightening natter
“I’ve heard all I can take, of your wise turtle chatter!”

Quickly he turned and stomped away riled
Without even a glance to see all the while
That where he was heading might present a trial
That is, into the mouth of a large crocodile!
“Jacques run away!” Said the turtle most wise
It’s too bad turtles run, like elephants fly
A short sprint at best, takes four hours or five
And of course naked Jacques had nowhere to hide!
Well Jacques should have known that enough was enough
Walking around, strutting his stuff
Making a scene with his haws and his huffs
Carrying on, out in the buff

But worry not friends, you should have no fear
For Jacques' bare bod doesn't meet its end here
Because Jacques' studied karate for quite a few years
And he meditates nightly to keep his mind clear
So Let's just say Jacques makes it out fine
In fact he recently called, just to say hi
He said, “I’m no longer bare, in fact I’m quite into style
You should see my new suit, made of crocodile!”